Part 2: The OR, The Worst Experience of My Life on The Best Day of My Life.

Surrounded by my family: my mom, dad, twin sister, my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and sister-in-law the Attending Physician, resident, and two nurses entered the room. At this point I had been in labor for 81 hours. I was exhausted, very swollen, and on oxygen. Maxwell was doing okay, but was starting to show signs of some distress. I asked my family to wait outside as my husband and I talked with the doctor.

He checked me..4.5/maybe 5. I looked at him and sighed, "I'm done." He went on to describe how and why a c-section would be the best option now for me and Max. I told him that I had complete faith in him, and that I was ready to meet my son. He left the room and the nurse started to prep me for surgery. Up to this point, I had not cried, but in that moment I remember trying  to 'keep it together' until she left....I couldn't. The tears flowed......she comforted me, not with words, but I remember her softly rubbing my arm and head. When she left the room, I held onto my husband and cried. This was one of the most intimate moments I will never forget between my husband and I. As we embraced, he stroked my face and hair. He kept telling me how amazing I was, how strong I was, and he couldn't wait for us to meet Max. My husband is a strong man...and as I looked into his tear filled eyes, I couldn't help but think of how blessed I was to have him in my life.


We cleaned our faces and welcomed our families into the room. I could tell they were all excited, nervous, and some fighting back tears themselves. They all hugged and kissed us. The nurses came back in to get me as our families scrambled to get everything picked up and moved to our new room. As I was being wheeled out, again they all hugged and kissed me goodbye.

I had never been in an operating room before and didn't know what to expect. It's exactly what the OR's on Grey's Anatomy look like. Huge round lights, equipment and monitors everywhere, and scrubbed doctors, nurses, etc running around. I was able to move myself onto the table from the gurney. When I moved over, I remember someone saying that there was muconium in the fluid and they called another team to the room. The nurse began to shave my pubic area and the oxygen cannula was placed in my nose. They put up a large blue drape, but thankfully did not tie down my arms. For some reason, that really freaked me out when I had watched videos online of other's c-sections.

The room was filled with familiar faces from the past four days of being there. As the anesthesiologist began to pump more meds to numb me, they poked a sharp instrument on my body every so often to ask me if I could feel it. They moved up my stomach towards my chest. This had to be repeated three times before I was numb high enough. I remember thinking that was a weird sensation. I was awake and could not move my body from the chest down.

The doctor came in and sat down beside me. He held my hand and told me that I was going to be just fine and that we had a birthday to celebrate. He asked me if I wanted to know what was going on throughout the process. Of course, I said yes:)

My husband was able to join me at this point and sat next to me. We were excited, smiling, and taking pictures. I knew we were both nervous but we just talked about Maxwell. Then the doctor began.

I remember the room getting very very cold. I was shivering and shaking. My lips and teeth were chattering so hard that the surgeon could hear it. I remember him telling me how well it was going, they were almost to Max. My sense of time during this whole process is a blur. I felt like it was taking a long time, but I'm sure it was only minutes.

I started to feel light headed and dizzy. I looked over to right to look at my monitor and I remember trying to comprehend my blood pressure. It was very low. 80/30. I remember a lot of talking between the resident and the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist kept pushing meds into my IV/Epidural. She continued to do this three or four times to my recollection. I thought I was going to puke or pass out. I remember my vision going in and out as I looked at my husband. He told me that I was doing better and that my blood pressure was stabilizing at that point. I remember looking over at the monitor again, 80/60. Still not good, but a bit better. In my head, I kept telling myself not to close my eyes. I thought I was dying..just going to go to sleep and not wake up. I was terrified..and fought so hard to keep them open. This felt like it went on for 30 minutes....thinking I was dying.

The surgeon said to me, "This is the point where you will feel a lot of pressure. It will feel like I am sitting on top of your chest. Don't panic, try to breathe through it."

He wasn't kidding. At that point, I remember thinking I was being crushed or squeezed to death. I couldn't breathe. Again...dying crossed my mind..Breathe through it? Yea, right!

All of a sudden, "SPLAT!" --and the sound of liquid dropping to the floor. I hear a "Whoops."---I look up at the sheet right in front of my face, and there is blood all over it. The doctor said a clamp had come off but it was back on and everything was okay. They tried to get as much blood off the sheet right in front of me as they could. I didn't know this at the time, but there was blood everywhere: all of the floor, the surgeons, the sheet, etc.

The surgeon said they that he was coming out now. I heard nurses say he had a head full of hair, he was so beautiful, and one yelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAX!----then the sound of scuffling feet.

--no cry.

I laid there staring into my husband's eyes, waiting.....waiting...to hear something, anything...any sign of life from my baby boy. nothing. My husband stroked my forehead and hair. No words were spoken.

The doctor came right to me and said that he had aspirated muconium and was taken to another room. He would let me know something as soon as he got word.

--complete staring/shock. I just laid there. I didn't say a word. I didn't cry. I just laid there and took in every sound I could. I could hear them working on me--their instruments, trays being moved. I could hear the beeps of the machines. The only sound I wanted to hear was a cry. nothing.

A few minutes went by and a doctor came and got my husband. She told me that Max we doing okay but on a cpap and that he could go see him. Those were the longest few minutes while he was gone. He came back and told me he was so beautiful and doing good. He told me he was on a cpap but was alert and moving. He would be taken straight to the NICU.

---my sweet baby, who I did not see or hear...was being taken away to another part of the hospital. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. It may have been all the medications, but I remember thinking, "Did I really just have a baby?" "Is he really dead, and they are waiting to tell me when I'm out of surgery." So many of these things crossed my mind.

The surgery was finished and the doctor came over to me. He said that Maxwell was doing great and that I was also. He held my hand as they moved me over to the other bed to be taken to recovery. That sweet, sweet man. I can't think him enough for how he treated me, my husband, and Max through this process.

I was wheeled to recovery and still shaking uncontrollably. I was in a lot of pain so they gave me another injection. At this point, I started becoming delusional.

I kept referring to my husband as 'shark.' That's right, shark. That was his name in my mind and continued to call him that for a bit. I also would say things to him and know that I was talking crazy. At that point, I would tell him to just disregard the first part of whatever I had said and just listed to the second part of the conversation. I knew I was talking crazy...but I just couldn't get the crazy from spewing from my mouth. I then told him that we had to ask his brother for permission to do things. My husband doesn't have a brother. It was weird how I responded to all the medication--wasn't pretty, my friends.

I was told that all our family members got to see Max before he was taken to the NICU...and for some reason I was really pissed about it. Well, for about 5 minutes. I think it was because I hadn't and I am the one who carried him, protected him, and gave birth to him.....Like I said, the anger lasted maybe 5 minutes and then I was over it:)

After being there a couple hours, I was taken to a room. The CNA's and nurses cleaned me up and got me ready for the night. I asked my husband to go to the NICU and take pictures of Max just so I had proof that I actually had a baby. I needed to know that he was indeed alive.

My husband came back and got into bed with me. He held me as he scrolled through the pictures and videos on his phone. At that moment, I cried. Throughout the whole OR and recovery experience, I didn't realize that it felt like I couldn't breathe. At that moment, a weight was lifted. I could breathe. My baby boy was alive. Yes, he was in the NICU and I didn't really know much else, but he was alive.

This experience has forever changed me. Like I said before, this was the worst experience of my life on the absolute best day of my life. To this day I still have the occasional nightmare and night sweats as I  relive some of these moments. However, all I have to do is look over and see my baby--and my world is happy again and not so scary.

Intro into Part 3: Meeting Max: Our Nicu/Hospital Experience

Maxwell Jeffrey Jenkins was born at 9:04 P.M. with an APGAR score of 0. He was lifeless with no breath. He was covered head-to-toe in muconimum. He was taken immediately to another room and vented. The team of physicians had him breathing within 30 seconds of his cord being cut, placed on cpap, and a feeding tube was placed through his nose. He was taken to the NICU, where he spent the first 6 days of life.

-Thanks for reading :)
Valerie

I've opened an Etsy shop for the holiday season!! Order your ornaments today!!!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/bisonboutique?ref=l2-shopheader-name