Part 3: Meeting Max: Our Nicu/Hospital Experience

Maxwell Jeffrey Jenkins was born at 9:04 P.M. with an APGAR score of 0. He was lifeless with no breath. He was covered head-to-toe in muconimum and was taken immediately to another room and vented. The team of physicians had him breathing within 30 seconds of his cord being cut, placed on cpap, and a feeding tube was placed through his nose. He was taken to the NICU, where he spent the first 6 days of life.

I pray that I never have to live through anything like the NICU experience ever again. There is this strange feeling of helplessness, fear, anxiety, yearning, hopefulness, sadness, and unsteadiness all wrapped into one 'ball of emotion' that is difficult to put a word to. If it wasn't for the amazing staff at the hospital where we were and the support of my family and friends, I would not have had the strength to get through mine and his recovery.

By 10:00 A.M. the next day, I still had not seen Max. The nurse came in and removed my catheter. She said that if I wanted to go to the NICU I had to do the following three things:
 1. Walk to the restroom.
2. Use the restroom.
3. Eat two graham crackers without vomiting.

I remember thinking that this wasn't going to be an issue. I was wrong. The nurse left and for the first time I tried to move after surgery. Holy Hell! My legs felt like jello, I was in so much pain, and immediately felt nauseated trying to stand. I looked at my husband and said, "Nothing is going to keep me from seeing my baby right now." I held his hand and slowly but surely made my way to the bathroom. I couldn't hardly sit on the toilet because of the pain. I remember being able to pee and then not being able to bend to wipe myself. Again, modesty out the window....my husband had to use a peri-bottle to help clean me. This whole process will take away your pride in an instant. Thank God for my husband! The hospital provided me these lovely sanitary pads that are the size of Jupiter to use because I was indeed bleeding a lot as well.

I made my way to the chair in my room and the nurse brought me graham crackers and peanut butter. I had not eaten in days...over 4 days...and I still wasn't hungry due to feeling nauseated. I remember thinking how good that combination tasted, but trying to force it down...and keep it down was a difficult challenge.Success! The nurse came back 20 minutes later and I got the approval to go downstairs to see my son.

I remember the excitement I felt.....but was also very nervous. This was going to be the first moment that I would truly feel like a mother.

Upon arrival to the NICU, we signed in, gave identification, and received a bright visitor pass sticker for our shirt/hospital gown. My husband pushed me through the door in my wheelchair and we stopped at the large sink to our left. I could barely get out of the wheelchair to get to the sink. My husband had to lift me up and I used him as a crutch to lean over the sink to reach the faucet. Every muscle in my body felt either heavy or painful.

The NICU was very large---probably made up of 10 rooms full of precious, but sick babies. My baby was in room 9. Last room on the right, in the back hallway.

As we made the turn into room 9, my eyes immediately locked in on my baby. I knew before I was wheeled up to him that he was mine. I couldn't get to him fast enough--As my body shook and tears filled my eyes, the nurse took me to his bedside. The pain  immediately left me and I could stand on my own to get my baby. My beautiful baby boy, who looks EXACTLY like my husband, was sleeping soundly in his little plastic box. I kissed his head, fingers, and stroked his head softly. There were IV's in his little hand and foot, as well as the cpap and feeding tube in his nose.

The nurse asked me if I wanted to do Kangaroo Care and I remember saying yes and crying. I was the lucky mother---my baby only had few tubes and wires so I could hold him more often. They put a privacy screen up around us and for the next hour it was like no one else existed but me and him. They placed him on my chest and we were instantly bonded. I smelled his amazing baby smell and kissed his beautiful chubby cheeks.

The next 5 days consisted of me going back and forth between my room and the NICU. He would eat every three hours, so I would pump colostrum for him...or try to. That's what we did..In between visitors and resting, I would pump, take it to the NICU, and then feed Max.

The NICU reminded me of a space ship that I would see in movies. Machines and lights everywhere. I developed pretty intense anxiety while in there. When monitors would go off, everyone would immediately stare up at the screens. I remember just staring at Max's O2 levels...every time a beep...up I would look, along with the rest of the nurses, doctors, and other family members. Constant beeping...constant anxiety.

My Max was the 'healthiest' baby in the NICU. He was taken off all tubes by the end of day 2, but still had to stay there for observation. The beautiful babies around him were so small. Some only weighing 2 lbs. I heard mothers weeping over their children and watched them cling to their babies' small fingers through the holes in their boxes. One time, while holding Max with our screen up, the mother behind us accidently pulled the vent from her baby while laying her back down. The alarms went off and everyone had to leave the room, except for us, because Max was feeding on me. I couldn't see what was going on, I could just hear. I heard the team of doctors and nurses on the Code Blue team run into the room. I could hear them talking to each other--this was a difficult vent to place. I could hear the mother weeping and screaming for her baby and the nurse telling her everything was going to be okay and that they would get her breathing again. I remember holding Max so tightly to my chest and bawling my eyes out. My husband held me and I held our baby..wishing we could be anywhere else. They were able to successfully get the baby back on the vent and everyone was allowed in the room again.
-----things like this would happen every day while being there. Sometimes we were turned away due to babies having procedures done or crashing...not being able to get to your baby when that's all you want...with all of your being, that's what you want... and can't. There are no words to describe that feeling. When the front desk tells you that you can't go back and you are instantly stricken with fear that it is your baby that isn't breathing--how do you describe that feeling?

The amazing medical staff took such wonderful care of my son. I will never forget those nurses as long as I live. Because of their support for my husband and I and the care and love they gave to Max, I will forever be indebted to them. I know I will probably never see Ashley, Tiffany, Shari, or Victoria again, but I will never forget them...the way they would kiss and love on my boy as if he was part of their family will never be forgotten.

Max continued to get stronger every day. He was a champion eater and pooper ;) His lungs were also healing wonderfully after the aspiration. Prayers were answered. I cannot thank my family and friends enough for the out-pour of love and prayers for us. We were able to get through this experience easier because of each and every one of them...with phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, and in person....they helped me find my strength.

6 days...and then we were both released to finish recovery in our home....home- it never felt so good.

Heavenly Father,
Tonight I pray for those babies and parents having to spend time in the NICU. I close my eyes and see the faces of anxious parents with eyes full of excitement, fear, and hope. I pray that someone shares a smile with each glance that passes between them in those rooms as they hold onto their precious ones. Give them all the strength to make it through another second, minute, hour,and day as each moment is a blessing and a triumph from heaven. Help the parents to accept reality on what has happened and take away any guilt and burdens from their hearts. I pray for healing tonight. I pray for miracles. Above all else, I pray for a peace that passes all understanding.

Amen.

-Valerie

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Part 2: The OR, The Worst Experience of My Life on The Best Day of My Life.

Surrounded by my family: my mom, dad, twin sister, my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and sister-in-law the Attending Physician, resident, and two nurses entered the room. At this point I had been in labor for 81 hours. I was exhausted, very swollen, and on oxygen. Maxwell was doing okay, but was starting to show signs of some distress. I asked my family to wait outside as my husband and I talked with the doctor.

He checked me..4.5/maybe 5. I looked at him and sighed, "I'm done." He went on to describe how and why a c-section would be the best option now for me and Max. I told him that I had complete faith in him, and that I was ready to meet my son. He left the room and the nurse started to prep me for surgery. Up to this point, I had not cried, but in that moment I remember trying  to 'keep it together' until she left....I couldn't. The tears flowed......she comforted me, not with words, but I remember her softly rubbing my arm and head. When she left the room, I held onto my husband and cried. This was one of the most intimate moments I will never forget between my husband and I. As we embraced, he stroked my face and hair. He kept telling me how amazing I was, how strong I was, and he couldn't wait for us to meet Max. My husband is a strong man...and as I looked into his tear filled eyes, I couldn't help but think of how blessed I was to have him in my life.


We cleaned our faces and welcomed our families into the room. I could tell they were all excited, nervous, and some fighting back tears themselves. They all hugged and kissed us. The nurses came back in to get me as our families scrambled to get everything picked up and moved to our new room. As I was being wheeled out, again they all hugged and kissed me goodbye.

I had never been in an operating room before and didn't know what to expect. It's exactly what the OR's on Grey's Anatomy look like. Huge round lights, equipment and monitors everywhere, and scrubbed doctors, nurses, etc running around. I was able to move myself onto the table from the gurney. When I moved over, I remember someone saying that there was muconium in the fluid and they called another team to the room. The nurse began to shave my pubic area and the oxygen cannula was placed in my nose. They put up a large blue drape, but thankfully did not tie down my arms. For some reason, that really freaked me out when I had watched videos online of other's c-sections.

The room was filled with familiar faces from the past four days of being there. As the anesthesiologist began to pump more meds to numb me, they poked a sharp instrument on my body every so often to ask me if I could feel it. They moved up my stomach towards my chest. This had to be repeated three times before I was numb high enough. I remember thinking that was a weird sensation. I was awake and could not move my body from the chest down.

The doctor came in and sat down beside me. He held my hand and told me that I was going to be just fine and that we had a birthday to celebrate. He asked me if I wanted to know what was going on throughout the process. Of course, I said yes:)

My husband was able to join me at this point and sat next to me. We were excited, smiling, and taking pictures. I knew we were both nervous but we just talked about Maxwell. Then the doctor began.

I remember the room getting very very cold. I was shivering and shaking. My lips and teeth were chattering so hard that the surgeon could hear it. I remember him telling me how well it was going, they were almost to Max. My sense of time during this whole process is a blur. I felt like it was taking a long time, but I'm sure it was only minutes.

I started to feel light headed and dizzy. I looked over to right to look at my monitor and I remember trying to comprehend my blood pressure. It was very low. 80/30. I remember a lot of talking between the resident and the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist kept pushing meds into my IV/Epidural. She continued to do this three or four times to my recollection. I thought I was going to puke or pass out. I remember my vision going in and out as I looked at my husband. He told me that I was doing better and that my blood pressure was stabilizing at that point. I remember looking over at the monitor again, 80/60. Still not good, but a bit better. In my head, I kept telling myself not to close my eyes. I thought I was dying..just going to go to sleep and not wake up. I was terrified..and fought so hard to keep them open. This felt like it went on for 30 minutes....thinking I was dying.

The surgeon said to me, "This is the point where you will feel a lot of pressure. It will feel like I am sitting on top of your chest. Don't panic, try to breathe through it."

He wasn't kidding. At that point, I remember thinking I was being crushed or squeezed to death. I couldn't breathe. Again...dying crossed my mind..Breathe through it? Yea, right!

All of a sudden, "SPLAT!" --and the sound of liquid dropping to the floor. I hear a "Whoops."---I look up at the sheet right in front of my face, and there is blood all over it. The doctor said a clamp had come off but it was back on and everything was okay. They tried to get as much blood off the sheet right in front of me as they could. I didn't know this at the time, but there was blood everywhere: all of the floor, the surgeons, the sheet, etc.

The surgeon said they that he was coming out now. I heard nurses say he had a head full of hair, he was so beautiful, and one yelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAX!----then the sound of scuffling feet.

--no cry.

I laid there staring into my husband's eyes, waiting.....waiting...to hear something, anything...any sign of life from my baby boy. nothing. My husband stroked my forehead and hair. No words were spoken.

The doctor came right to me and said that he had aspirated muconium and was taken to another room. He would let me know something as soon as he got word.

--complete staring/shock. I just laid there. I didn't say a word. I didn't cry. I just laid there and took in every sound I could. I could hear them working on me--their instruments, trays being moved. I could hear the beeps of the machines. The only sound I wanted to hear was a cry. nothing.

A few minutes went by and a doctor came and got my husband. She told me that Max we doing okay but on a cpap and that he could go see him. Those were the longest few minutes while he was gone. He came back and told me he was so beautiful and doing good. He told me he was on a cpap but was alert and moving. He would be taken straight to the NICU.

---my sweet baby, who I did not see or hear...was being taken away to another part of the hospital. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. It may have been all the medications, but I remember thinking, "Did I really just have a baby?" "Is he really dead, and they are waiting to tell me when I'm out of surgery." So many of these things crossed my mind.

The surgery was finished and the doctor came over to me. He said that Maxwell was doing great and that I was also. He held my hand as they moved me over to the other bed to be taken to recovery. That sweet, sweet man. I can't think him enough for how he treated me, my husband, and Max through this process.

I was wheeled to recovery and still shaking uncontrollably. I was in a lot of pain so they gave me another injection. At this point, I started becoming delusional.

I kept referring to my husband as 'shark.' That's right, shark. That was his name in my mind and continued to call him that for a bit. I also would say things to him and know that I was talking crazy. At that point, I would tell him to just disregard the first part of whatever I had said and just listed to the second part of the conversation. I knew I was talking crazy...but I just couldn't get the crazy from spewing from my mouth. I then told him that we had to ask his brother for permission to do things. My husband doesn't have a brother. It was weird how I responded to all the medication--wasn't pretty, my friends.

I was told that all our family members got to see Max before he was taken to the NICU...and for some reason I was really pissed about it. Well, for about 5 minutes. I think it was because I hadn't and I am the one who carried him, protected him, and gave birth to him.....Like I said, the anger lasted maybe 5 minutes and then I was over it:)

After being there a couple hours, I was taken to a room. The CNA's and nurses cleaned me up and got me ready for the night. I asked my husband to go to the NICU and take pictures of Max just so I had proof that I actually had a baby. I needed to know that he was indeed alive.

My husband came back and got into bed with me. He held me as he scrolled through the pictures and videos on his phone. At that moment, I cried. Throughout the whole OR and recovery experience, I didn't realize that it felt like I couldn't breathe. At that moment, a weight was lifted. I could breathe. My baby boy was alive. Yes, he was in the NICU and I didn't really know much else, but he was alive.

This experience has forever changed me. Like I said before, this was the worst experience of my life on the absolute best day of my life. To this day I still have the occasional nightmare and night sweats as I  relive some of these moments. However, all I have to do is look over and see my baby--and my world is happy again and not so scary.

Intro into Part 3: Meeting Max: Our Nicu/Hospital Experience

Maxwell Jeffrey Jenkins was born at 9:04 P.M. with an APGAR score of 0. He was lifeless with no breath. He was covered head-to-toe in muconimum. He was taken immediately to another room and vented. The team of physicians had him breathing within 30 seconds of his cord being cut, placed on cpap, and a feeding tube was placed through his nose. He was taken to the NICU, where he spent the first 6 days of life.

-Thanks for reading :)
Valerie

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Our Birth Story: 

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. (NLT)-Psalm 127:3

Part 1

My life became all about someone else's on July 13th, 2015 as I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Maxwell Jeffrey Jenkins at 9:04 P.M.

The first picture of Maxwell 

I have always been intrigued by birth stories. Pregnant or not, I would find myself often reading blogs, watching YouTube videos/vlogs, and magazines to read all about this special and powerful life changing moment. Maybe that's why I love them so much.--all different--all having such a strong impact on the lives of those experiencing them. I have yet to hear a birth story that sounds like someone else's--all with different circumstances, highs and lows,...positive or negative....I cannot get enough of them.

Our story is a little long- as I was in the hospital for over a week. 82 hours of that time spent in the labor and delivery area, and the rest in the mommy and baby unit of the hospital. I went in with no birth plan, except that I wanted an epidural. I wanted a healthy baby..I didn't have a preference how that happened: vaginal or c-section. In my mind, I dreamt of the moment they would place that ooey, gooey baby on my chest. That's what I wanted- I cared about THAT moment--not what got me to it.

----Unfortunately, THAT moment, did not happen.

My pregnancy was fairly 'easy' and was not considered to be high risk. For the first 35 weeks, I didn't have high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, or any other issue for me to be labeled as such. Week 35 came and my blood pressure started to rise, as well as my heart rate. My BP would stay around 138/90 and I developed episodes of sinus tachycardia with heart palpitations. I also started having contractions pretty regularly..they would be every 2 minutes for hours..and then stop. This continued for weeks. NOT FUN. (I will talk all about that in a later blog--all of those doctor visits, non-stress tests, holter monitors, etc--)

July 10th-

While at work, I started to feel a little off. I felt flushed, my heart was racing, and was dizzy upon standing. I had one of my the RN's in my building take my blood pressure: 182/110. Not good. I called my husband who works in the medical field, and he told me to go to triage at the hospital. My friend Amy drove me to the hospital and I made my way to triage. When I went to take the elevator, I met one of my husband's colleagues/friend of ours. I remember trying to play off that I was just going to triage to be checked out, no big deal kind-of-thing, but I was panicked on the inside. That elevator could not get there soon enough.

I checked in at triage with multiple people in front of me. I swear one of them was about to pop out her baby right there in the waiting area. I just walked around having contractions and praying that my BP would lower. My husband joined me and finally I was taken back to a bed. They hooked me up to the monitors and immediately ordered an EKG, ECG, ultrasound, and Pre-Eclampsia OB- panel. My heart rate was 152 bpm and my blood pressure was going down to 138/87.

I let a new intern and 3rd year medical student perform the ultrasound. Now, that was funny. They wanted to confirm that Max was head down. Simple enough, right? The intern puts the wand on my stomach and continue to 'search' for his head. I look at my husband, trying not to laugh. I could plainly see the large round thing down near my cervix. She looks at me and says, "He may have turned, and I can't seem to find his head placement. I will need to get the upper level resident to confirm where his head is." When they left, I asked my husband if indeed that large circle on the screen was his head...it was. :) haha. The upper level came in, put the wand on my stomach for .2 seconds, and pointed to the large round object near my cervix. Head Down.

My tests started coming back with good results--as the issues above, were not affecting Max, and I could relax. Well, I relaxed until the resident looked at me and said, "You are not leaving today. You are going to be admitted for an induction." My mind started racing: 'I don't have my bags, I need to let work know, Do I call my family now?, I haven't washed Max's 'Bring Home Outfit', I haven't shaved my legs, I haven't eaten....' My lovely husband snapped me out of all that. haha. I didn't need to worry about any of that. I needed to focus on that fact that our baby boy would be here soon and all of that stuff didn't matter. I honestly don't know what I would have done without my husband by my side.

I was in triage from 12:30 P.M. until 10:30 P.M. waiting on a room.My husband would come sit with me and then go back to work, and then come see me again. He also had time to go home and get our bags and get me my 'last meal'- Raising Canes:)) I kept getting 'bumped' due to all of these women coming in.. I believe there were 8 women who came in who were admitted because they were in active labor. I never want to be in triage that long ever again!
I saw/heard/experienced:
-women throwing up all over the floor
-women having bowel movements all over the floor
-doctors trying to convince women that they were indeed pregnant
-doctors trying to convince a Hispanic woman that she was having her baby soon-she
 wouldn't believe her--she was at 8 cm. Holy Crap!?
-an argument between a patient and a nurse over a taxi voucher
-an argument between a translator and a nurse
-a pregnant woman wanting Zofran but having a verbal battle with herself because she 'saw those commercials'

We were finally taken to a room and fifteen minutes later, the Doctor was there to start the induction process. I was hooked up to all the monitors and they started a new IV. Then it got interesting..they inserted a transcervical foley balloon. This was very uncomfortable. They push the catheter through the cervix and fill the balloon with saline. This helps open the cervix to 3cm or so, and then it just falls out. When they began to fill the balloon with saline, I felt an intense amount of pressure/pain for about 3-5 minutes. They also put the first dose of Cervidil into my cervix. This helps ripen the cervix.
                                               

Picture of a transcervical foley balloon

I started having stronger contractions about 5 minutes after they left.- haha, great. And, then I needed to go to the bathroom. I remember my husband helping me to the bathroom and seeing a trail of blood behind me. I kinda freaked out..."Im bleeding- alot! Is this normal?" I kinda yelled at my husband. He reassured me that it was normal.
---going to the bathroom- for either urine or bowel movements hurt like Hell. That is when all modesty went out the window. My husband, nurses, residents, attendings, etc...were all going to watch me go to the bathroom, etc and I for some reason...was okay with all of that in that moment. Haha!---it's like something clicked in my brain, and little modest me, could care less who saw the goods. ;)

Posted on FaceBook that Max would be here soon.

The rest of that night was miserable. Up and down, going to the bathroom, bleeding all over everything, contractions, and repeating all of that for hours. I remember the doctor coming in and telling me that the hospital didn't have a policy for when I wanted to get the epidural. I thought, I will just wait until the pitocin...I barely made it to that point. :)

At about 3:00 A.M. that morning the foley balloon fell out of my body when I went to the bathroom. That was gross too. Blood all over the place and this rubber looking balloon thing that I had to fish out of the toilet.

Every six hours they inserted a new cervidil and they would also check me once every 6-8 hrs. Always the same response, "You are still the same. At a 3. No progress."

Around 4 P.M. they were talking about starting Pitocin. I immediately said that before they hook that up, I wanted my epidural. The physcian who performed the epidural was a work friend of my husband which was nice to have. I wasn't too nervous about the epidural because I have had spinal taps in the past. I leaned forward on the bed while the nurse held my shoulders. My husband wasn't allowed to hold my hand but he sat there and kept talking to me, supporting me, telling me how great I was doing. The epidural started with injection of lidocain to help numb the area before they placed the needle into my back--that was the only part that stung a bit. They then placed the catheter through the needle, taped it in place, and it was finished. Maybe took 20 minutes from start to finish. Not too shabby---

Oh the epidural--oh how I loved it! It felt like cold water flowing down my back when the medicine would go in. I also had the push button to give myself a dose if I needed it between the schedule release times. It was amazing. There were moments when I would just wait for the green light to come back on because of the pain. They started the Pitocin, and I could finally get some sleep. I did have an allergic reaction to the Fentanyl pain med in the epidural which caused itchiness and a rash all over my legs, arms, hands, and stomach, so I was also on a Benedryl, Vistaril, and Hydrocortisone Creme coctail every so often. The itchiness about drove me crazy, but the meds helped. Its been a month, and I still have a lot of the rash left on my legs.

So for the next 24 hours, I received rounds of Cervidil and Pitocin. They put in a catheter so I could pee...in a bag. :) Made it to 4 cm. I remember thinking that this was the slowest birth I had ever heard of. Max's heart rate and levels continued to look good, so we proceeded. Family and friend were welcomed after the epidural :) Loved having my visitors come by to help pass the time. I slept a lot, thanks to all allergy meds and my husband worked/read/watched TV.

My OB came in Sunday morning and broke my water to hopefully get things going a little quicker. I remember her saying she was just going to do it so  that the water drained slow and steady. I remember her shocking/surprise face and this sound like a balloon popping. My water gushed and gushed--squirted even--I just couldn't help but laugh--which caused the OB, her resident, my husband, I to laugh for about 10 minutes.

Sunday night came and went. Monday afternoon about 3:00 P.M. they started having me lay on certain sides because of Max's heart rate, and they also put me on oxygen. My kidneys also started to become sluggish.They were pumping me full of liquids and my kidneys were just not flushing like they should have. At this point, I had not eaten in 4 days...just ice chips. I'm pretty sure that started to affect my mental state. haha! They also brought in a Peanut Ball for me to put in between my legs. This has been shown to help open the cervix as well. I was willing to try anything at this point! Bring on the weird peanut ball thing!

                                                   78 hrs into labor---still staying positive:)

Monday evening- 8:00 P.M. the doctor comes in and explains that he is going to check me and if there isn't any progress we will have to sit down and talk about our next step. I knew what this meant....c-section talk. Still at a 4. He was so thoughtful and informative..and just so empathetic to my situation when discussing the surgery with me. The decision was made: we were heading to the OR.

--------------
Part 2 will continue with the c-section and all of it's crazy moments. good and bad.

Numb and ready to begin:)

My cute husband, always by my side.

-Valerie

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